$5.37

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side...PG-13' started by Iddee, Jul 24, 2012.

  1. Iddee

    Iddee New Member

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    That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher.
    Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change
    when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me.

    He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

    I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me.

    "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.
    I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet?
    A mere child! Senior citizen?

    I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind?
    As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil.
    Old? Me?
    I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.
    Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

    "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"

    I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind!
    "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly!
    It could happen to anyone!"

    I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now?
    I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.
    That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

    Then, a few other objects came into focus:
    The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

    Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.
    Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot,
    relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger!
    My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

    I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time.
    There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish.
    All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

    All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

    Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck,
    and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag.

    His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

    I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

    She offered these kind words:
    "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

    All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone. Yessss, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.
    And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

    As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket.

    I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs
    with a blankey.

    The good news was that I had successfully found my way
    home.



    P.S. Save the earth...... It's the only planet with chocolate!!!!!
     
  2. PerryBee

    PerryBee New Member

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    :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:
     

  3. Hog Wild

    Hog Wild New Member

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    Good one, with alot of truth! :thumbsup:
     
  4. Gypsi

    Gypsi Super Moderator Staff Member

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    LOL.

    I am resigned. I let the wrinkles hang out, wear mens clothes and keep my hair in a bun. The new grandson (don't believe in step-grandchildren) calls me Grandma. It's ok.

    I want a hot new 350 in my chevy pickup. But the urgency has left me. It's been down for almost a year, in this economy, that's a lotta money for a truck I'll use to pull a trailer 3 times in a year.

    Gypsi
     
  5. efmesch

    efmesch Active Member

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    ....The good news was that I had successfully found my way home.

    If my computer didn't automatically sign me in to the forum, I probably wouldn't be entitled to respond----
    :eek:ldtimer:
    You had me rolling. My grand daughter, working on her computer on a term paper while I read and laughed couldn't understand why I was laughing--and I wouldn't tell her either.
    :rolling:
     
  6. Slowmodem

    Slowmodem New Member

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    I felt that very same way the cashier asked me if I wanted the senior discount at Kroger's. I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. But, the next day I thought about it some more and decided that discounts are good. But it sure was an unexpected experience!
     
  7. gunsmith

    gunsmith New Member

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    When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to get older.........This ain't what I was expecting.
     
  8. Marbees

    Marbees Member

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    :rolling::lol::lol::thumbsup:
     
  9. bamabww

    bamabww Active Member

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    I remember the first time it happened to me also. Makes you stop and think just a little.
     
  10. PerryBee

    PerryBee New Member

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    Geez, all you old people are starting to depress me! :lol: I don't get the seniors discount for another 11 months! :ranting:

    The only ad I've seen so far is a car insurance one for people over 50 ("Gray Power" for "safer drivers").

    "Never regret growing old, it's a privilege denied to many" (The alternative ain't so appealing either!)