A pirate walks into a bar

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side...PG-13' started by bamabww, Jan 30, 2013.

  1. bamabww

    bamabww New Member

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    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.

    Barkeep says, " WTH, you've got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants."

    Pirate replies, "Arrgh, it's driving me nuts."
     
  2. Crofter

    Crofter New Member

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    Paddy was riding home on St. Patrick's Day and stopped at a saloon and tied his horse to the rail. After a few hours he went out to find his horse painted green. He charged back in stating that he wanted words with the man that did it. A huge fellow three times Paddys weight stood up and owned it thus, " and what do you have to say to me?" Paddy sized up the situation and quickly said " He's dry sir and ready for the next coat"
     

  3. PerryBee

    PerryBee New Member

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    A grocery store employee is working in the vegetable department when this huge guy walks up, taps him on the shoulder, and says:
    "Hey, I'd like half a head of lettuce"!
    The employee stops what he is doing and says:
    "I'm sorry sir, we only sell lettuce as full heads of lettuce", and then he goes back to what he is doing.
    A minute passes and the employee feels a tap on his shoulder and turns to see the big guy still there. The big guy says:
    "I said, I want half a head of lettuce".
    The employee stops what he is doing and repeats:
    "As I explained sir, we only sell whole heads of lettuce", and goes back to what he is doing.
    Another minute passes and again the employee feels the tap on his shoulder:
    "I said I want half a head of lettuce", says the huge guy.
    Exasperated, the employee stops what he is doing and tells the big guy he will go speak to the manager about the problem. He walks to the back of the store and goes through those double doors and sees his manager Charlie standing there.
    "Hey Charlie", he says,"There's some a$$ho1e out front that wants to buy a half a head of lettuce".
    No sooner had the words left his lips than the employee suddenly realizes that the huge guy had followed him into the back and was standing right behind him! :shock:
    "Oh yeah, and Charlie", said the employee as he suddenly spun around, "This gentleman would like to buy the other half"!
     
  4. bamabww

    bamabww New Member

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    Arrgh, two good ones!
     
  5. Crofter

    Crofter New Member

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    I always think of the good replys in hindsight!
     
  6. Iddee

    Iddee New Member

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    When I was in the Intensive Care Unit at the hospital, I was in room eight twelve.I wanted to get a vanity plate with that on it, but the state refused to issue ICU-812. I just can't understand why.