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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned
on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
And whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...
________________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes; you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started...
________________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds."

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...
________________________________________

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...

So, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...

________________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" said my wife, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...
________________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...
________________________________________

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment."

The husband replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."

And then the fight started...
 

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True Story:

We're selling our house and whenever we have a showing we spend all morning cleaning so we end up spending the hour we have to be gone at the Burger King in town cause we're starved and dirty.

My wife asked the other day if we should go out for dinner and I said "Dang woman, I taken you out to eat 5 times in the past month"

And then the fight started :)
 

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Another true story.......

I went to Germany for two years when my wife was 7 months pregnant with our first. I returned when our second was 3 weeks old. Each time I tell it, I get clobbered.

Seems that I always "forget"to tell about her coming to Germany just after the first was born, and coming home just before the second. :twisted: :roll:
 

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We got married...then the fight started! We didn't need no story or reason. But....

As we left the church, we were driving past her apartment. I wanted to stop and change my shirt, as it was drenched. I had extras as I had flew into Denmark to get married.

They said there was no time as they drove past the apartment on the way to the photographer. I was ticked. No way did I want to take pictures as soaked as I was. Two minutes was all I asked.

But no.......

I still bring that up occasionally..... :thumbsup:

And we have been at it ever since..... :Dancing:
 

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All I have to do is bring up the first shrimp my wife breaded and fried for me. Fresh beheaded shrimp that a customer had given me. As I took my first bite and she stood beaming, I looked up and asked, didn't you know you have to peel shrimp?
 

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HAHAHA I bet that was some goooood shrimp!!

My wife is a good cook, her first Thanksgiving diner at our house she was so excited and wanted everything to be just so perfect, she was a nervous wreck. Cooked the full spread and it looked and smelled great. Her dad said grace and proceeded to carve the turkey and discover she had forgotten to remove the package of inside of the bird. She was so embarrassed she could have died.

G3
 

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A couple of weeks ago I took a day off and my wife and I went to Tyler, Texas, the "Rose Capital" of Texas. We went for 2 roses, came home with 10.

Last Saturday she mentioned she was going to plant some more roses after she went "crazy" in Tyler. I said we wouldn't have gotten so many if I hadn't had to have some that I found. I mentioned I was just a "sissy" wanting roses.

She countered that Thomas Jefferson loved roses and he wasn't a sissy...had a wife and several mistresses.

So, "Does that mean I should find some mistresses?" :D :D

No answer, no arguement, just "the look". :roll:

Walt
 

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Charles said:
Congrats rast, how many years?

Walt, I've seen "the look" many times :box: it's usually followed by a healthy dose of "silent treatment" :queen:
Yep, especially years ago when I asked her 3 times what she wanted for her birthday. There's nothing I want was her reply. Sooooooo thats what she got. I learned :beg:.
 

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So, at dinner tonight I mentioned that it was the Cialis Western Open that Mr. Woods won. I also mentioned that maybe, if I had really practiced at golf instead of studying... :)

I was reminded that Mrs. Woods has a golf club and my wife has a gun! :eek:

No fight...again...just, "the look". After 38 years you'd think I'd learn. :oops: No, I'm a male!

So, here I am, on the internet. :|

Walt
 

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Wife asks me, "If I died tomorrow, what would you do?"
Me: "I'd wait a couple weeks and then remarry"
Wife: "WHO?!?"
Me: "Hmm, that's a tough one, it would be a toss up between your older and younger sisters"

... and that's when the fight started.
 

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I reckon I'm lucky and have a caring wife. She has already told me who to marry if she dies. The woman is good looking and likes me ;).
 

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rast said:
I reckon I'm lucky and have a caring wife. She has already told me who to marry if she dies. The woman is good looking and likes me ;).
That just means your wife happens to know this other woman has a history of killing her husbands that you don't know about yet. :lol:
 
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