Did they really dsay that???

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Iddee, Feb 21, 2009.

  1. Iddee

    Iddee New Member

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    These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
    down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of
    staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.



    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

    WITNESS: I forget.

    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
    forgot?
    ___________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

    WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
    ___________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

    WITNESS: getting laid
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

    WITNESS: None.

    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

    WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
    new attorney?
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

    WITNESS: By death.

    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

    WITNESS: Take a guess.
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
    notice which I sent to your attorney?

    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
    people?

    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
    to?

    WITNESS: Oral.
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
    pulse?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
    began the autopsy?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
    nevertheless?

    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
    practicing law



    Sincerely,

    Don Horn
    Service Manager
     
  2. dogsoldier13

    dogsoldier13 New Member

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    this is a good example of why we should stay out of trouble so we dont have to go to court! :lol: :lol: :lol: