Don't get mad. It's just a joke...................................Somewhat

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side...PG-13' started by Iddee, Jun 20, 2012.

  1. Iddee

    Iddee New Member

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    If you visit the South, please keep the following in mind... If you are going to live, or visit in the South, you need to know the rules. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of the Southerner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter a Southern State.

    1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

    2. It's called a "gravel road," No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get the heck out of the way.

    3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.

    4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

    5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for -- bait.

    6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

    7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time.

    8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

    9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. You want it hot -- sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened add a lot of water.

    10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

    11. So you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.

    12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

    13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.

    14. We don't do "hurry up" well.

    15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt anything on them. We boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.

    16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

    17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 95 goes two ways - Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.

    18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want cream of wheat- go to Kansas . That would be I-40 west.

    19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.

    20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

    21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators -and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.

    22. That Highway Patrol Office r that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot -- his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.

    23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.

    24. You burn an Confederate flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all four of them -- enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.

    25. No, we don't care how you do things up North. If it is so great up there why not visit a Northern state or stay there. And no, down here, we don't have an accent, you do.
     
  2. Marbees

    Marbees Member

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    :lol::thumbsup: Like it, my top five would be #4, #6, #10, #13, #16:thumbsup:
     

  3. G3farms

    G3farms New Member

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    I don't get it, that's just how it is.
     
  4. Slowmodem

    Slowmodem New Member

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    And the plural of y'all is all y'all. :)
     
  5. efmesch

    efmesch Active Member

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    ...and if you have trouble with the store sines, just remember, we spell it the way we sez it.
     
  6. Walt B

    Walt B New Member

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    Here are some from Kinky...

    1. Don't feel bad if you don't understand us. We don't understand you either.

    2. If it can't be fried in bacon grease it ain't worth cookin', let alone eatin'.

    3. If the car in front of you has a turn signal on, don't pay any attention to it. It was likely that way when the car was purchased.

    And finally, one I've gleaned from our local supermarket:

    Our three favorite different types of fish are catfish fillets, catfish nuggets, and whole catfish.

    Walt
     
  7. PerryBee

    PerryBee New Member

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    :lol: :rolling: :mrgreen:

    Love #6 and #10, but #25? You guys do have an accent! :wink:
     
  8. new2it

    new2it New Member

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    Okay, but what's the joke?
     
  9. Marbees

    Marbees Member

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    :lol::lol::rolling:
     
  10. pturley

    pturley New Member

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    Reminds me of one of my ALL-TIME favorite songs...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehPUJKk2_dg

    I lived in Jacksonville, Florida long enough to appreciate the post. (Yeah, I know JAX is almost no longer part of the South!)
     
  11. Papakeith

    Papakeith New Member

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    1,2,6,7,10,17, and 23 are about the same up here
    19. How about Turkey Season?
    22. They all look like kids anymore, but they are all sir or officer.
    25. Just replace north with south and north with south and swap out up n down too. Works about the same both ways.

    All in all I'm glad you typed it . I couldn't have hardly got half of it if we had been conversing directly :razz:
     
  12. Iddee

    Iddee New Member

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    Typed it?? Are you kidding? I don't know how I ever lived before copy/paste. :shock:
     
  13. Papakeith

    Papakeith New Member

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    carbon paper and an ink eraser