From my heart, thank you everyone.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by heinleinfan, Oct 10, 2012.

  1. heinleinfan

    heinleinfan New Member

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    I've been debating this post for a couple weeks now and finally decided I should make it. I wanted to let everyone here know how very much I appreciate this forum, how friendly and welcoming everyone is and how much I've learned and will continue to learn here. I love how arguments are intelligent debates, not flame wars; I love how so many of us from different areas of the world and different ages and life experiences can all come together about a topic we love.

    I suffer from major depression disorder, acute anxiety and PTSD. Three weeks ago I had to go back to the behavioral health center for a visit against my will, again, after a (thankfully failed) suicide attempt. I don't say that to dump something heavy on relative strangers, or to garner comments, but because it's just what happened to me, because of my illness. I'm not embarrassed that I have a mental illness but it's also not something I tend to bring up because I just, you know, want to be normal. Hiding behind an appearance of normalcy on the internet can be both a blessing a curse for me.

    It's a blessing because I can be who I want to be, instead of being a label. But it's also a curse because often people I don't interact with daily don't know the extent of my illness; it's not like you can see it, especially online.

    So, I bring it up now because in times when I'm at my worst I tend to withdraw from everything, which of course only makes things worse. Something or someone has to really mean something to me, has to really matter in my life, to keep me from pulling away. This beekeeping forum is something I miss when I don't visit. Even if I don't have much to say because good answers have already been said, or I'm just in a dark place, I feel like I could come here at any time and be connected to people.

    So thank you to Charles and all the admins that keep this site running so well, and thank you to all the members who make this such a wonderful thing to be a part of. You just never know when that silly joke you post or random smiley you add to a sly comment makes someone who normally lives in a dark place see a little sunshine for a while.
     
  2. bamabww

    bamabww New Member

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    We all have our problems / demons we face and have to deal with them as best as we can. How you deal with yours may be different that how I deal with mine. Sometimes the only way out of a storm is to just wait it out using whatever is available to protect what's important to you. One thing to remember is you are important to someone if no one else but those of us who have gotten to know you through this forum. You have a place here and when you are here, you're among friends / family, all of who have at least a couple of things in common; a love for honey bees and a respect for each other.

    Best of luck to you.
     

  3. tecumseh

    tecumseh New Member

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    in our society these sorts of things are generally considered taboo* for conversation. I myself having seen the consequence of not talking about mental health issues (and having had my own fair share of mental health episodes myself) really consider the taboo itself to be the larger danger. It says quite a lot about the ambience of this forum that you can discuss this issue with your virtual friends (folks you really don't know) without feeling embarrassed or constrained. I say bring it on... lets drag that not so scary beast out of the closet (boy do I miss Bloom County) and talk about it in detail.

    and thank ya' heinlein fan for just being here.... beyond having been something of a heinlein fan myself I have always enjoyed reading your questions and your post. you are a good and kind person and without a doubt a large plus to this forum. I myself suspect that folks like yourself bring more to a forum for the wanna bees and new bees in the mode of your questions and observation than anything us old hands could ever possible contribute.

    *A long time ago I read a book called The Taboo Against Knowing Yourself (or something like that???) by Alan Watts... I don't know how I got on to reading Mr Watts but a couple of his little books certainly altered how I looked at some larger issues in life.
     
  4. Daniel Y

    Daniel Y New Member

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    Thank You Heinleinfan. You have have inspired several threads and conversation here recently. I appreciate seeing the interaction. Not only from yourself to the group. but of the members of the group with each other. Regardless of what other things you contend with. Know that you are also considered a blessing to some of us here.
     
  5. Omie

    Omie New Member

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    Heinleinfan, thank you for being open with us, takes a lot of courage to do that.
    I'm glad you have bees and am so glad you are here with us.

    For me, the sight and sound and smell of bees has certain inner calming effects. in some ways, I see my bees as a microcosm of the human condition.
    When i am sitting near the hives, i find their hum to be like sitting right inside a gentle 'Ohm' chant, and it's soothing to both me and my husband. I also like to watch their determined yet uncomplicated sense of purpose as they go about doing their 'bee thing'. It reminds me that I too can focus on a simple task as well if I choose, rather than take on lofty complex goals that can sometimes wind up discouraging me.
    Anyway, I'm glad that you feel safe enough amongst us to just 'bee yourself'. Hugs to you from me!
     
  6. PerryBee

    PerryBee New Member

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  7. gunsmith

    gunsmith New Member

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    We're all here for you and each other. We're a big supportive family, and, like any other family, we may have our small disagreements, but we still love each other. Even though the sunshine may not be shining in your part of the world at a particular moment, it is shining somewhere. Since we are a global family here on the forum-someone is always willing to listen and talk. Hang in there, and, again, we're all here for you.:thumbsup:
     
  8. Marbees

    Marbees Member

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    The other day saw one of those electronic highway signs with the message that wasn't stupid, as they usually are. It said:
    DRIVE CAREFULLY, SOMEBODY LOVES YOU.
     
  9. Noronajo

    Noronajo New Member

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    As to wanting to be normal, pretty sure there are very few of us that can fit that definition and we probably wouldn't like it if we did. What's normal about keeping bees( an often heard comment in my family)? That's what I love about this forum-not only can you receive answers to your gnarliest questions about bees but , like on "Cheers", everybody knows your name and over time, quite a few things about you. Now we know one more thing and as others have said, I still look forward to every one of your posts and in my heart know I'd like you just as much in person as I do online.
     
  10. riverbee

    riverbee Active Member

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    heinleinfan,
    it took alot of courage to share something so personal and trust us with that, and feel safe as omie said. i don't know that i would have your courage.
    so many great posts here....
    :amen: to all of them.

    i will echo what wayne said:

    "One thing to remember is you are important to someone if no one else but those of us who have gotten to know you through this forum. You have a place here and when you are here, you're among friends / family, all of who have at least a couple of things in common; a love for honey bees and a respect for each other. "

    you have a place here, thanks for being here, thanks for your posts and your presence, don't go anywhere on us. keep on posting, when that dark place creeps in, peek in here, write a post, like tecumseh said, say so. you are among many others struggling in one way or another, and really do care, and as all have pointed out family.

    my heart and thoughts go out to you :grin:
     
  11. efmesch

    efmesch Active Member

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    Heinleinfan, you don't know how happpy we all are to know that you don't always succeed with what you do. Had you succeeded, God forbid, it would have been an undescribable loss for all of us, not to mention the forum a whole. The terrible thing about depresion is that one loses a hold on reality and thinks all sorts of ridiculous things as if they are reality when they aren't. But it's inside, and using reasoning to try to overcome the irrational is doomed to faillure. It's an emotion that overcomes one and one of the best ways to defeat it is with the emotions of others giving moral support--sometimes just a smile, but most often, long term support showing love, understanding and a willingness to "be at your side" to help is what's needed.
    We, on the forum, are not physically at your side, but we're with you. We want you to know how much we care about you. Those who've posted and those who may not know how to respond and are therefore "silent", care for you greatly. We've met your inquisitive and challenging mind and know how you care for others. You have added so much to the forum. I don't like to think about it without you and am glad that, while you were going through your terrible conflicts, you stuck with us---even though we couldn't read through the lines to understand what you were going through.
    Hopefully, modern medicine under competent medical supervision, together with us and others who care about you, will bring you back to bright days, when the reality of the shining sun reaches you without having to penetrate a distorting cloud barrier.
    We're all Heinlein fans. Chin up, smile and let it spread from your lips to your heart.:queen:
     
  12. Marbees

    Marbees Member

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    Nice grokking efmesch, we are blessed to have you.:goodpost:
     
  13. Iddee

    Iddee New Member

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    efmesch quote....."those who may not know how to respond and are therefore "silent", care for you greatly."

    Put me in that seating section.
     
  14. Slowmodem

    Slowmodem New Member

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    I grok, and a prayer has been said. :)
     
  15. blueblood

    blueblood New Member

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    Smile Hein....your'e good peoples to us...hope you find a some sunny days...I really understand....I was telling my wife today I felt sad all the sudden driving by a certain spot on the interstate today and then it hit me, it was the spot of one of my many fatal accidents I have worked involving a young teen girl. I told her that was a mild PTSD moment and couldn't imagine major attacks. I have experienced a wide range of mental disorders and the effects of them, every working day for the last 14 years in my line of work and I have concluded there are no words, no true medicine or counsel more effective than an unconditional love and willing ear to listen from another person. Of course, I believe in a true Counselor but this is not the proper platform for that. You will have to PM me for Faith or Politics :wink:. Having said that, I think you have a bunch of folks here with just those attributes. Just remember to breathe Hein and take care, okay? Basics are good.
     
  16. Gypsi

    Gypsi Super Moderator Staff Member

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    Heard while I was in the depths of my ptsd type depression:

    it isn't so much whether you are depressed, but what you do WHILE you are depressed, that makes the difference.

    My depression was cyclical and environmental. I had some really horrible decisions I needed to make and some stuff to move past, and it was not fun. And it was nasty for a few years. But in time, I did get better, and I hope you do too. Acceptance is a wonderful blessing.

    Gypsi

    And I didn't read everything up above, but in case it was missed, always remember this:
    "Normal is a setting on a dryer." Goodnight, rest well, bright blessings.
     
  17. heinleinfan

    heinleinfan New Member

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    Now you all are making me cry. This is exactly why this forum means so much to me. I think some of my friends are thinking of joining just because I talk about it so much, they don't even keep bees. (And I told them they'd learn a ton and want to keep bees anyway!)

    You are all just an amazing group of people, and I'm blessed to be a part of it.
     
  18. efmesch

    efmesch Active Member

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    The secret is mutuality.
     
  19. heinleinfan

    heinleinfan New Member

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    And you bunch of grokkers, that really touched me. I've been a fan of Heinlein's writing for many years, and I absolutely adore meeting people who grok. :smile:

    Tec, It's true that mental health issues are taboo still with lots of people. I know growing up in the deep south in a small country town...things like this not only weren't talked about, they just didn't happen. You "pulled yourself up" and "dealt with it" and it was considered weak to go to a doctor about it. That's so damaging and we've come a long way as a society both with understanding medically, and socially, what mental illnesses mean.

    Omie - my bees are constantly a source of calm for me. The whole time I was in the hospital this trip, I just kept thinking about how much I wanted to sit with my ladies, a daily routine I have in the mornings with my coffee. There was a wasp trap hanging in one of the trees in our outdoor area we got to visit a few times a day, one of those where insects can get in but not out and it obviously had some sweet smelling lure in it. It was catching honey bees in it and I kid you not, I fussed and fussed and got them to take it down and gave the handyman quite an earful about traps that don't just catch wasps!

    River- You *do* have such courage. Your strength and great good humor when faced with a *life threatening* allergy from something you love to do, that has been a constant source of strength to me.

    Ef - Your words were, as always, wise and beautiful. You're a poet, you know.

    Blueblood and Gypsi - I'm sorry you've both had to deal with the same kinds of illnesses, but one thing I always take comfort in, oddly enough, is knowing not only am I not alone in general but also that I'm not the only person having to face these problems. I wish you both continued acceptance and good health, and not having to go through the down cycles. Blueblood especially, police work is a job that can seriously drain someone of cope.
     
  20. efmesch

    efmesch Active Member

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    Sometimes I think that I know English. Other times I know that I don't.

    I had no inkling as to what a grokker was, so I looked it up in the internet--this is what I found.
    grok (gr[​IMG]k)tr.v. grok·ked, grok·king, groks SlangTo understand profoundly through intuition or empathy.

    [HR][/HR][Coined by Robert A. Heinlein in his Stranger in a Strange Land.]
    The bottom line as to the term having been coined by Robert A Heinlein gave me a flash of understanding re. your forum name. Now I have to find the book and find the time to read it (don't hold your breath). :grin: