Thank you all for your patience! You will now be duly rewarded with a series of holiday Gardening Carols. I will try to post one a week or so. However, there is a story behind the whole tradition of gardening carols, so allow me to begin at the beginning, which is often a good place to start. Four years ago, around Christmas time, I had ordered something from Hamilton Marine, a fine supplier of boat hardware in Maine. The item came in a box padded with crumpled newspaper, and I was dutifully flattening the paper for recycling when an article with a completely absurd title caught my eye. I paused to read it, and was soon chuckling and receiving odd looks from household members. What I had chanced upon was a delightful gardening column by Janine Pineo, who writes for the Bangor Daily News. It seems she had taken to writing funny adaptations of Christmas songs for her December column. The following year, I emailed Janine, and discovered she had been doing this for years, and was getting tired of it. I, being a newcomer to these lyrical wonders, hounded her mercilessly until she agreed to write another gardening carol just to get me to stop filling her e-mail box with pathetic pleas. Despite Janine’s best efforts, she has become probably the only journalist in Maine to have an Erie, PA-based fan club, albeit rather small in membership. I still email her before the holidays with a shameless prod to get cracking and conjure up another carol. I have also, much to the dismay of family and friends, taken to penning a few of these verses myself. To begin this series, I offer to you the first gardening carol that I read on that crumpled page of the Bangor Daily News… which is fully to blame for the years of insanity that have followed: Carol of the Worms by Janine Pineo (Carol of the Bells) Sing of the worm Soft, squishy worm Calling all day: "Throw scraps this way." Warm weather here Sunlight they fear Winter arrives Dig deep or die Casting away Working all day Making new dirt For flower spurts. Without their toil Say "goodbye, soil" And to the trees For Christmas needs Robins have found Worms without sound 'Neath hill and dale Rare do they fail. Bring on the spring How the world sings For now the roots Fuel new shoots Merry, merry, merry, merry castings Merry, merry, merry, merry castings More, more they give Helping us live May we atone Keep green our homes Casting away Casting away
Keep em coming. :thumbsup: This will be quite an interesting season. Perhaps Janine's fan club will expand to Texas. Wow! Think how surprised she'd be. Naw...wouldn't do that to her. Walt
Part 2! For this installment, I will shift gears to my first attempt at writing a gardening carol. I will interject that, while Janine strives to use only secular songs to avoid any offense to her Bangor readership, I had no such scruples. What follows is an adaptation of a traditional carol. No blasphemy is intended, and I truly hope that this is taken for entertainment as it is intended, and no one takes offense. Zucchinis are Piled Knee-High! (Angels We Have Heard On High) Zucchinis are piled knee-high, More still growing on the vine And our neighbors in reply Start their yearly groan and whine Zu u-u-u-u-u u-u-u-u-u u-u-u-u-ucchini, in excess is growing! Zu u-u-u-u-u u-u-u-u-u u-u-u-u-ucchini, kitchen over-flowing! Making bread and casserole, Muffins, fritters, pizza too. Soup and braised with escarole, Baked and broiled and with tofu. Zu u-u-u-u-u u-u-u-u-u u-u-u-u-ucchini, why does it keep growing? Zu u-u-u-u-u u-u-u-u-u u-u-u-u-ucchini, was I crazy sowing? Giving squash from door to door My zucchini serenade In the garden there’s still more Neighbors hide and draw the shades. Zu u-u-u-u-u u-u-u-u-u u-u-u-u-ucchini, in excess is growing! Zu u-u-u-u-u u-u-u-u-u u-u-u-u-ucchini, in excess is growing!
Part 3! And this to honor Walt B, who appears to be my only fan in this insanity. This week's offering is a brand new composition, springing from Walt's inspired titles in an earlier post. I must apologize for the modification; although "Cabbage Loopers" is much funnier, "brown moths" just didn't fit into my lyrics. Cabbage Worms are Comin' To Town (Santa Claus is Comin' to Town) You better watch out You better inspect With their camouflage They’re hard to detect Cabbage worms are coming to town! I’m lifting each leaf, And checking it twice; I really doubt those black specks are from mice. Cabbage worms are coming to town! White butterflies were pretty A-flitting ‘round my crop But now those green worms chew and eat And it seems they’ll never stop! Cruciferae sprouts and Brassica leaves It matters not to these little thieves Cabbage worms are coming to town Cabbage worms are coming to town White butterflies were pretty Should’ve read my garden tome If I had only known they would Call my broccoli their home You better wash well You better rinse deep You never can tell To where they might creep Cabbage worms are coming to town Ooh, you might hear a shout You might hear a scream If your veggie side dish Has “extra proteinâ€! Cabbage worms are coming to town Cabbage worms are coming Cabbage worms are coming Cabbage worms are coming to town!
Shucks, I've never inspired a song before. You have at least 2 members in your fan club; my wife being the other. Have emailed her your other postings. Left this one up on the home computer for her and heard her laughing as she was reading it. We're a simple people. We sing, we dance... Walt
One more! I was going to try to pen another, but I am just going nuts trying to bake, wrap, and create gifts for the holidays, and just haven't gotten to it. So, this week, I offer you another verse by Janine Pineo. Happy Holidays to you all! Frost Leaves Your Plants Dead (Frosty the Snowman) Frost leaves your plants dead Then the snow's not far behind. So you scurry round, cutting down All the plants that once were fine. Frost leaves your plants dead, Say goodbye to harvest time. 'Cause you can't eat snow as the children know, even if it comes in lime. There is some kind of magic in those Four seasons we crave. If Mother Nature tries to thwart We begin to rant and rave. O, frost leaves your plants dead Once alive with buzzing bees. And the layers of all that Winter gear just to shovel make you wheeze. Clompity, clomp, clomp Clompity, clomp, clomp Look at summer go. Clompity, clomp, clomp Clompity, clomp, clomp Watch out for falling snow. Frost leaves your plants dead, Temps rise the very next day. So you haul out blankets, tarps and such Trying to stave it all away. But it's all futile Winter's here before you know. Grab your catalogs And a cup of nog To swallow this bitter pill. You write right down: greenhouse, a plow! Ask Santa for it all. And you'll only pause a moment when Your loved ones holler "No!" For frost leaves your plants dead, It comes no matter what may. So enjoy this time and, say, don't you whine Spring returns again one day. Clompity, clomp, clomp Clompity, clomp, clomp Look at winter go. Clompity, clomp, clomp Clompity, clomp, clomp It's June before you know.
