Gardening Carols!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Hobie, Dec 2, 2011.

  1. Hobie

    Hobie New Member

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    Thank you all for your patience! You will now be duly rewarded with a series of holiday Gardening Carols. I will try to post one a week or so.

    However, there is a story behind the whole tradition of gardening carols, so allow me to begin at the beginning, which is often a good place to start.

    Four years ago, around Christmas time, I had ordered something from Hamilton Marine, a fine supplier of boat hardware in Maine. The item came in a box padded with crumpled newspaper, and I was dutifully flattening the paper for recycling when an article with a completely absurd title caught my eye. I paused to read it, and was soon chuckling and receiving odd looks from household members.

    What I had chanced upon was a delightful gardening column by Janine Pineo, who writes for the Bangor Daily News. It seems she had taken to writing funny adaptations of Christmas songs for her December column.

    The following year, I emailed Janine, and discovered she had been doing this for years, and was getting tired of it. I, being a newcomer to these lyrical wonders, hounded her mercilessly until she agreed to write another gardening carol just to get me to stop filling her e-mail box with pathetic pleas.

    Despite Janine’s best efforts, she has become probably the only journalist in Maine to have an Erie, PA-based fan club, albeit rather small in membership. I still email her before the holidays with a shameless prod to get cracking and conjure up another carol. I have also, much to the dismay of family and friends, taken to penning a few of these verses myself.

    To begin this series, I offer to you the first gardening carol that I read on that crumpled page of the Bangor Daily News… which is fully to blame for the years of insanity that have followed:


    Carol of the Worms
    by Janine Pineo
    (Carol of the Bells)


    Sing of the worm
    Soft, squishy worm
    Calling all day:
    "Throw scraps this way."
    Warm weather here
    Sunlight they fear
    Winter arrives
    Dig deep or die

    Casting away
    Working all day
    Making new dirt
    For flower spurts.
    Without their toil
    Say "goodbye, soil"
    And to the trees
    For Christmas needs

    Robins have found
    Worms without sound
    'Neath hill and dale
    Rare do they fail.
    Bring on the spring
    How the world sings
    For now the roots
    Fuel new shoots

    Merry, merry, merry, merry castings
    Merry, merry, merry, merry castings

    More, more they give
    Helping us live
    May we atone
    Keep green our homes

    Casting away
    Casting away
     
  2. Walt B

    Walt B New Member

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    Keep em coming. :thumbsup:

    This will be quite an interesting season. Perhaps Janine's fan club will expand to Texas. Wow! Think how surprised she'd be. :D Naw...wouldn't do that to her.

    Walt
     

  3. Hobie

    Hobie New Member

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    Part 2!

    For this installment, I will shift gears to my first attempt at writing a gardening carol.

    I will interject that, while Janine strives to use only secular songs to avoid any offense to her Bangor readership, I had no such scruples. What follows is an adaptation of a traditional carol. No blasphemy is intended, and I truly hope that this is taken for entertainment as it is intended, and no one takes offense.

    Zucchinis are Piled Knee-High!
    (Angels We Have Heard On High)


    Zucchinis are piled knee-high,
    More still growing on the vine
    And our neighbors in reply
    Start their yearly groan and whine

    Zu
    u-u-u-u-u
    u-u-u-u-u
    u-u-u-u-ucchini, in excess is growing!
    Zu
    u-u-u-u-u
    u-u-u-u-u
    u-u-u-u-ucchini, kitchen over-flowing!

    Making bread and casserole,
    Muffins, fritters, pizza too.
    Soup and braised with escarole,
    Baked and broiled and with tofu.

    Zu
    u-u-u-u-u
    u-u-u-u-u
    u-u-u-u-ucchini, why does it keep growing?
    Zu
    u-u-u-u-u
    u-u-u-u-u
    u-u-u-u-ucchini, was I crazy sowing?

    Giving squash from door to door
    My zucchini serenade
    In the garden there’s still more
    Neighbors hide and draw the shades.

    Zu
    u-u-u-u-u
    u-u-u-u-u
    u-u-u-u-ucchini, in excess is growing!
    Zu
    u-u-u-u-u
    u-u-u-u-u
    u-u-u-u-ucchini, in excess is growing!
     
  4. Walt B

    Walt B New Member

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    This has been sent to the gardener at our house.

    Walt
     
  5. Hobie

    Hobie New Member

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    Part 3!

    And this to honor Walt B, who appears to be my only fan in this insanity. This week's offering is a brand new composition, springing from Walt's inspired titles in an earlier post. I must apologize for the modification; although "Cabbage Loopers" is much funnier, "brown moths" just didn't fit into my lyrics.


    Cabbage Worms are Comin' To Town
    (Santa Claus is Comin' to Town)


    You better watch out
    You better inspect
    With their camouflage
    They’re hard to detect
    Cabbage worms are coming to town!

    I’m lifting each leaf,
    And checking it twice;
    I really doubt those black specks are from mice.
    Cabbage worms are coming to town!

    White butterflies were pretty
    A-flitting ‘round my crop
    But now those green worms chew and eat
    And it seems they’ll never stop!

    Cruciferae sprouts and Brassica leaves
    It matters not to these little thieves
    Cabbage worms are coming to town
    Cabbage worms are coming to town

    White butterflies were pretty
    Should’ve read my garden tome
    If I had only known they would
    Call my broccoli their home

    You better wash well
    You better rinse deep
    You never can tell
    To where they might creep
    Cabbage worms are coming to town

    Ooh, you might hear a shout
    You might hear a scream
    If your veggie side dish
    Has “extra proteinâ€!
    Cabbage worms are coming to town
    Cabbage worms are coming
    Cabbage worms are coming
    Cabbage worms are coming to town!
     
  6. Walt B

    Walt B New Member

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    Shucks, I've never inspired a song before. :oops:

    You have at least 2 members in your fan club; my wife being the other. Have emailed her your other postings. Left this one up on the home computer for her and heard her laughing as she was reading it.

    We're a simple people. We sing, we dance... :D

    Walt
     
  7. Bitty Bee

    Bitty Bee New Member

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    :lol: Love these Hobie! The Zucchini one is my favorite! :goodpost:
     
  8. Hobie

    Hobie New Member

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    One more! I was going to try to pen another, but I am just going nuts trying to bake, wrap, and create gifts for the holidays, and just haven't gotten to it. So, this week, I offer you another verse by Janine Pineo. Happy Holidays to you all!


    Frost Leaves Your Plants Dead
    (Frosty the Snowman)


    Frost leaves your plants dead
    Then the snow's not far behind.
    So you scurry round, cutting down
    All the plants that once were fine.
    Frost leaves your plants dead,
    Say goodbye to harvest time.
    'Cause you can't eat snow as the children know,
    even if it comes in lime.

    There is some kind of magic in those
    Four seasons we crave.
    If Mother Nature tries to thwart
    We begin to rant and rave.
    O, frost leaves your plants dead
    Once alive with buzzing bees.
    And the layers of all that
    Winter gear just to shovel make you wheeze.

    Clompity, clomp, clomp
    Clompity, clomp, clomp
    Look at summer go.
    Clompity, clomp, clomp
    Clompity, clomp, clomp
    Watch out for falling snow.

    Frost leaves your plants dead,
    Temps rise the very next day.
    So you haul out blankets, tarps and such
    Trying to stave it all away.
    But it's all futile
    Winter's here before you know.
    Grab your catalogs
    And a cup of nog
    To swallow this bitter pill.
    You write right down: greenhouse, a plow!
    Ask Santa for it all.
    And you'll only pause a moment when
    Your loved ones holler "No!"

    For frost leaves your plants dead,
    It comes no matter what may.
    So enjoy this time and, say, don't you whine
    Spring returns again one day.

    Clompity, clomp, clomp
    Clompity, clomp, clomp
    Look at winter go.
    Clompity, clomp, clomp
    Clompity, clomp, clomp
    It's June before you know.