[Hobie]

Thank you all for your patience! You will now be duly rewarded with a series of holiday Gardening Carols. I will try to post one a week or so.

However, there is a story behind the whole tradition of gardening carols, so allow me to begin at the beginning, which is often a good place to start.

Four years ago, around Christmas time, I had ordered something from Hamilton Marine, a fine supplier of boat hardware in Maine. The item came in a box padded with crumpled newspaper, and I was dutifully flattening the paper for recycling when an article with a completely absurd title caught my eye. I paused to read it, and was soon chuckling and receiving odd looks from household members.

What I had chanced upon was a delightful gardening column by Janine Pineo, who writes for the Bangor Daily News. It seems she had taken to writing funny adaptations of Christmas songs for her December column.

The following year, I emailed Janine, and discovered she had been doing this for years, and was getting tired of it. I, being a newcomer to these lyrical wonders, hounded her mercilessly until she agreed to write another gardening carol just to get me to stop filling her e-mail box with pathetic pleas.

Despite Janine’s best efforts, she has become probably the only journalist in Maine to have an Erie, PA-based fan club, albeit rather small in membership. I still email her before the holidays with a shameless prod to get cracking and conjure up another carol. I have also, much to the dismay of family and friends, taken to penning a few of these verses myself.

To begin this series, I offer to you the first gardening carol that I read on that crumpled page of the Bangor Daily News… which is fully to blame for the years of insanity that have followed:


Carol of the Worms
by Janine Pineo
(Carol of the Bells)

Sing of the worm
Soft, squishy worm
Calling all day:
"Throw scraps this way."
Warm weather here
Sunlight they fear
Winter arrives
Dig deep or die

Casting away
Working all day
Making new dirt
For flower spurts.
Without their toil
Say "goodbye, soil"
And to the trees
For Christmas needs

Robins have found
Worms without sound
'Neath hill and dale
Rare do they fail.
Bring on the spring
How the world sings
For now the roots
Fuel new shoots

Merry, merry, merry, merry castings
Merry, merry, merry, merry castings

More, more they give
Helping us live
May we atone
Keep green our homes

Casting away
Casting away

 

[Walt B]

Keep em coming. :thumbsup:

This will be quite an interesting season. Perhaps Janine's fan club will expand to Texas. Wow! Think how surprised she'd be. Naw...wouldn't do that to her.

Walt

 

[Hobie]

Part 2!

For this installment, I will shift gears to my first attempt at writing a gardening carol.

I will interject that, while Janine strives to use only secular songs to avoid any offense to her Bangor readership, I had no such scruples. What follows is an adaptation of a traditional carol. No blasphemy is intended, and I truly hope that this is taken for entertainment as it is intended, and no one takes offense.

Zucchinis are Piled Knee-High!
(Angels We Have Heard On High)

Zucchinis are piled knee-high,
More still growing on the vine
And our neighbors in reply
Start their yearly groan and whine

Zu
u-u-u-u-u
u-u-u-u-u
u-u-u-u-ucchini, in excess is growing!
Zu
u-u-u-u-u
u-u-u-u-u
u-u-u-u-ucchini, kitchen over-flowing!

Making bread and casserole,
Muffins, fritters, pizza too.
Soup and braised with escarole,
Baked and broiled and with tofu.

Zu
u-u-u-u-u
u-u-u-u-u
u-u-u-u-ucchini, why does it keep growing?
Zu
u-u-u-u-u
u-u-u-u-u
u-u-u-u-ucchini, was I crazy sowing?

Giving squash from door to door
My zucchini serenade
In the garden there’s still more
Neighbors hide and draw the shades.

Zu
u-u-u-u-u
u-u-u-u-u
u-u-u-u-ucchini, in excess is growing!
Zu
u-u-u-u-u
u-u-u-u-u
u-u-u-u-ucchini, in excess is growing!

 

[Walt B]

This has been sent to the gardener at our house.

Walt

 

[Hobie]

Part 3!

And this to honor Walt B, who appears to be my only fan in this insanity. This week's offering is a brand new composition, springing from Walt's inspired titles in an earlier post. I must apologize for the modification; although "Cabbage Loopers" is much funnier, "brown moths" just didn't fit into my lyrics.


Cabbage Worms are Comin' To Town
(Santa Claus is Comin' to Town)

You better watch out
You better inspect
With their camouflage
They’re hard to detect
Cabbage worms are coming to town!

I’m lifting each leaf,
And checking it twice;
I really doubt those black specks are from mice.
Cabbage worms are coming to town!

White butterflies were pretty
A-flitting ‘round my crop
But now those green worms chew and eat
And it seems they’ll never stop!

Cruciferae sprouts and Brassica leaves
It matters not to these little thieves
Cabbage worms are coming to town
Cabbage worms are coming to town

White butterflies were pretty
Should’ve read my garden tome
If I had only known they would
Call my broccoli their home

You better wash well
You better rinse deep
You never can tell
To where they might creep
Cabbage worms are coming to town

Ooh, you might hear a shout
You might hear a scream
If your veggie side dish
Has “extra proteinâ€!
Cabbage worms are coming to town
Cabbage worms are coming
Cabbage worms are coming
Cabbage worms are coming to town!

 

[Walt B]

Shucks, I've never inspired a song before.

You have at least 2 members in your fan club; my wife being the other. Have emailed her your other postings. Left this one up on the home computer for her and heard her laughing as she was reading it.

We're a simple people. We sing, we dance...

Walt

 

[Bitty Bee]

:lol: Love these Hobie! The Zucchini one is my favorite! :goodpost:

 

[Hobie]

One more! I was going to try to pen another, but I am just going nuts trying to bake, wrap, and create gifts for the holidays, and just haven't gotten to it. So, this week, I offer you another verse by Janine Pineo. Happy Holidays to you all!


Frost Leaves Your Plants Dead
(Frosty the Snowman)

Frost leaves your plants dead
Then the snow's not far behind.
So you scurry round, cutting down
All the plants that once were fine.
Frost leaves your plants dead,
Say goodbye to harvest time.
'Cause you can't eat snow as the children know,
even if it comes in lime.

There is some kind of magic in those
Four seasons we crave.
If Mother Nature tries to thwart
We begin to rant and rave.
O, frost leaves your plants dead
Once alive with buzzing bees.
And the layers of all that
Winter gear just to shovel make you wheeze.

Clompity, clomp, clomp
Clompity, clomp, clomp
Look at summer go.
Clompity, clomp, clomp
Clompity, clomp, clomp
Watch out for falling snow.

Frost leaves your plants dead,
Temps rise the very next day.
So you haul out blankets, tarps and such
Trying to stave it all away.
But it's all futile
Winter's here before you know.
Grab your catalogs
And a cup of nog
To swallow this bitter pill.
You write right down: greenhouse, a plow!
Ask Santa for it all.
And you'll only pause a moment when
Your loved ones holler "No!"

For frost leaves your plants dead,
It comes no matter what may.
So enjoy this time and, say, don't you whine
Spring returns again one day.

Clompity, clomp, clomp
Clompity, clomp, clomp
Look at winter go.
Clompity, clomp, clomp
Clompity, clomp, clomp
It's June before you know.