Jokes about our instate rival

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side...PG-13' started by bamabww, Mar 12, 2012.

  1. bamabww

    bamabww New Member

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    [FONT=&quot]DISNEYLAND [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Two Auburn Fans were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]FLORIDA OR MOON [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Two Auburn Fans living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one Auburn Fan says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther way... Florida or the moon?' The other Auburn Fan turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????' [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]SPEEDING TICKET [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]A police officer stops an Auburn Fan for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!' [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]RIVER WALK [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]There's this Auburn Fan out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another Auburn Fan on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]The second Auburn Fan looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.' [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.' [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.' [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]KNITTING [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the Auburn Fan behind the wheel was knitting! [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]'NO!' the Auburn Fan yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!' [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]AUBURN FAN ON THE SUN [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]A Russian, an American, and an Auburn Fan were talking one day. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]The Auburn Fan said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]To which the Auburn Fan replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!' [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]IN A VACUUM [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]An Auburn Fan was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?' [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]FINALLY, [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]A girl was visiting her Auburn Fan friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The Auburn Fan responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?’ 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the Auburn Fan. 'They're watch dogs'![/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
     
  2. gunsmith

    gunsmith New Member

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    The Auburn fan was out weed-eating in a patch of weeds at the edge of her yard. Her cat was hiding in the weeds, and she accidentally cut off the cats tail. Thinking quickly, she grabbed up the cat and the tail and rushed to her local Wal-mart. When the greeter asked her why she had brought her cat there, she replied "HELLLOOOOOOOO, aren't you the worlds largest retailer?"