1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate .
2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe .
3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it --mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.
6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it.... couldn't cut the mustard.
7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.
8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.
9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.
10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.
11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.
12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job..
13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.
14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.
15. So, I Tried retirement, and I found I'm perfect for the job!
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.Theceremonywasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2.A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, butdon't start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:"A beer please, and one for the road."
6. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual."
7. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to lookat either.
8. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't findany.
9. I went to a seafood dance club last week...and pulled a mussel.