One Liner Thread

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side...PG-13' started by Eddy Honey, Jun 23, 2012.

  1. Eddy Honey

    Eddy Honey New Member

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    Last night I saw a theatrical performance about puns......it was a play on words.....:grin:
     
  2. Iddee

    Iddee New Member

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    How's your wife and my baby doing?
     

  3. G3farms

    G3farms New Member

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  4. Slowmodem

    Slowmodem New Member

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    Very Punny! :roll:
     
  5. Walt B

    Walt B New Member

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    I tried out for the Olympic Fencing Team.....I got cut.

    Walt
     
  6. PerryBee

    PerryBee New Member

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    I thought I had a good deal on some bee gear, but I got stung instead!
     
  7. Slowmodem

    Slowmodem New Member

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    Why is the alphabet in that order.....is it because of that song?

    Sent from my DROID X2 using Tapatalk 2
     
  8. Walt B

    Walt B New Member

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    I used to work at Chuck E. Cheese's....but I got bounced. (I'll stop now)

    Walt
     
  9. Eddy Honey

    Eddy Honey New Member

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    How does Moses make his tea? He-brews it.
     
  10. jim314

    jim314 New Member

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    Two bees or not two bees, that is the question.
     
  11. Slowmodem

    Slowmodem New Member

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    My Job Search

    1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate .
    2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe .
    3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it --mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
    4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
    5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.
    6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it.... couldn't cut the mustard.
    7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.
    8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.
    9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.
    10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.
    11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.
    12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job..
    13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.
    14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.
    15. So, I Tried retirement, and I found I'm perfect for the job!
     
  12. CeeGee

    CeeGee New Member

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    1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.The ceremonywasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

    2.A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, butdon't start anything."


    3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

    4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:"A beer please, and one for the road."

    6. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"

    "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
    "Is it common?"
    " Well, It's Not Unusual."

    7. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to lookat either.

    8. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't findany.


    9. I went to a seafood dance club last week...and pulled a mussel.
     
  13. Omie

    Omie New Member

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    LOL!


    Those irritated by grain of sand best avoid beach.
     
  14. Hobie

    Hobie New Member

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    I was about to comment on the same, Omie!:lol:

    Took my talking bird to a bar, but they didn't serve mynahs,
     
  15. srvfantexasflood

    srvfantexasflood New Member

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    Time flies like an arrow-fruit flies like a banana.
     
  16. riverrat

    riverrat New Member

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    ole iddee's outdoors standing if anyone asks I tell them he's outstanding (insert drum here)
     
  17. Slowmodem

    Slowmodem New Member

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    Frank and Ernest:

    Frank%20&%20Ernest-2012_06_15.gif
     
  18. Nenno from Ork

    Nenno from Ork New Member

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    I took a job working for the electric company, it was empowering.
     
  19. Iddee

    Iddee New Member

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    I have kleptomania,
    But when it gets bad,
    I take something for it.
     
  20. Iddee

    Iddee New Member

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    A bartender is just a pharmacist
    With a limited inventory