These were on the internet, so they must be true! Have a smile today! Yogi Berra at a college commencement speech: â€œThank you all for being here tonight. I know this is a busy time of year, and if you weren't here, you could probably be somewhere else. I especially want to thank the administration at St. Louis University for making this day necessary. It is an honor to receive this honorary degree. "It is wonderful to be here in St. Louis and to visit the old neighborhood. I haven't been back since the last time I was here. Everything looks the same, only different. Of course, things in the past are never as they used to be.â€ "Before I speak, I have something I'd like to say. As you may know, I never went to college, or high school for that matter. To be honest, I'm not much of a public speaker, so I will try to keep this short as long as I can. "As I look out upon all of the young people here tonight, there are a number of words of wisdom I might depart. But I think the most irrelevant piece of advice I can pass along is this: "The most important things in life are the things that are least important. "I could have gone a number of directions in my life. Growing up on the Hill, I could have opened a restaurant or a bakery. But the more time I spent in places like that, the less time I wanted to spend there. I knew that if I wanted to play baseball, I was going to have to play baseball. My childhood friend, Joe Garagiola, also became a big-league ballpayer, as did my son, Dale. I think you'll find the similarities in our careers are quite different. "You're probably wondering, how does a kid from the Hill become a New York Yankee and get in the Hall of Fame? Well, let me tell you something, if it was easy nobody would do it. Nothing is impossible until you make it possible. "Of course, times were different. To be honest, I was born at an early age. Things are much more confiscated now. It seems like a nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. But let me tell you, if the world was perfect, it wouldn't be. Even Napoleon had his Watergate. "You'll make some wrong mistakes along the way, but only the wrong survive. Never put off until tomorrow what you can't do today. Denial isn't just a river in Europe. "Strive for success and remember you won't get what you want unless you want what you get. Some will choose a different path. If they don't want to come along, you can't stop them. Remember, none are so kind as those who will not see. "Keep the faith and follow the Commandments: Do not covet thy neighbor's wife, unless she has nothing else to wear. Treat others before you treat yourself. As Franklin Eleanor Roosevelt once said, 'The only thing you have to fear is beer itself.' "Hold on to your integrity, ladies and gentlemen. It's the one thing you really need to have; if you don't have it, that's why you need it. Work hard to reach your goals, and if you can't reach them, use a ladder. There may come a day when you get hurt and have to miss work. Don't worry, it won't hurt to miss work. "Over the years, I have realized that baseball is really just a menopause for life. We all have limitations, but we also know limitation is the greatest form of flattery. Beauty is in the eyes of Jim Holder. "Half the lies you hear won't be true, and half the things you say, you won't ever say. "As parents you'll want to give your children all the things you didn't have. But don't buy them an encyclopedia, make them walk to school like you did. Teach them to have respect for others, especially the police. They are not here to create disorder, they are here to preserve it. "Throughout my career, I found good things always came in pairs of three. There will be times when you are an overwhelming underdog. Give 100 percent to everything you do, and when that's not enough, give everything you have left. 'Winning isn't everything, but it's better than rheumatism.' I think Guy Lumbago said that. "Finally, dear graduates and friends, cherish this moment; it is a memory you will never forget. You have your entire future ahead of you. "Good luck and Bob's speed." Quotes To Go Down In History "The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country." - George W. Bush "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." - George W. Bush "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future." - George W. Bush "The future will be better tomorrow." - George W. Bush "We're going to have the best educated American people in the world." - George W. Bush "I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." - George W. Bush "We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe." - George W. Bush "Public speaking is very easy." - George W. Bush "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." - George W. Bush "We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." - George W. Bush "For NASA, space is still a high priority." - George W. Bush "Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." - George W. Bush "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." - George W. Bush "It's time for the human race to enter the solar system." - George W. Bush "It depends on what your definition of "is" is." - Bill Clinton Dan Quayle: "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." "Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts." "Mars is essentially in the same orbit. Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." "I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change." "One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.' â€œ "Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." "People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history." "I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican." "I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix." "When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame." "Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it." Spiro T. Agnew: "pusillanimous pussyfooters" , "nattering nabobs of negativism" , and "hopeless, hysterical hypochondriacs of history"